The Best Crypto Joke Collection

1. What's the common thread between russian traders and russian military hardware?

They both rely on the Chinese to make things happen.

2. The wife of a crypto trader confides in her friend, “I'm thinking of leaving my husband. Every night, he stands by our bed, promising me that things will 'moon' soon.”

3. Crypto trading can be quite a thrill, but you might need the perfect antidepressant prescription to handle the ups and downs!

4. An elderly trader is on his deathbed, and the doctors are alarmed as his temperature reaches 105.8. The head doctor says, “If it goes up to 107.6, he's in trouble.”

The trader weakly mutters, “Sell at 107.24 and buy back at 98.6!”

5. — Why do crypto traders want a Lambo? 

    — Because they know Ferrari is owned by Fiat.

6. Trader: “Hey God, how do you perceive a million years?”
God: “To me, it's like a mere second for you.”
Trader: “Interesting. What about a thousand BTC?”
God: “Barely more than a cent.”
Trader: “May I have a cent?”
God: “Sure. Just hold on for a second…”

1. Question: Why did God create crypto analysts?

Answer: To make weather forecasters look good.

2. A crypto analyst is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

3. The market analyst is queried, “Do your predictions always hit the bullseye?” He nods and says, “Indeed, my predictions are always on target, but my calendar seems to be set in a different time zone!”.

4. After a whirlwind day of trading, a trader bumps into a crypto analyst in the elevator. Anxiously, he asks, “Can you please, finally, enlighten me? Are we headed up or down?”

5. Want a foolproof method to say goodbye to a crypto analyst with trade secrets? 

 Pay for the pizza and shut the door.

6. In the crypto market, two types of people meet in the morning: analysts and investors. By the end of the day, they've swapped roles and are off to sleep.

1. What do BTC and whiskey share in common?

They both induce nausea with every rollercoaster ride, but you're strangely drawn to both.

2.  Two friends catch up. One says: 

– I made my fortune on Bitcoin.

– Wow! What's your current status?

– Pre-heart attack.

3. With 7.5% inflation, you will lose half your money in 9 years. 

But with Bitcoin, I set a new record; I lost nearly half my money in just one year!

4. People say we only use 10% of our brain's capacity.

And God uses the other 90% to mine Bitcoin.